​Statement

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”The more you try to forget, the more it stays with you.  When you need to let go of something, it is engraved in your heart.”—From Wong Kar-wai's "Ashes of Time”

 

I simply don’t remember about the past or never really thought about remembering the past. 

I have never been one to hold on to the past, but after my mother's death, I found myself troubled by memories of her.

What I remember about my mother is mostly from the time I cared for her.

Changes in her suffering from a dementia,  unexpected events I have faced, and the way I dealt with her had become burdensome memories.

When she passed away, I intended to live carrying these memories and complex emotions.

However, the memories never faded, and now she is an unwavering presence, keeps reminding  me of them.

I began to wish I could forget. At the same time, I was also tormented by feeling guilty for wanting to forget the memories of her.

Then, I remembered a quote from a Wong Kar-wai movie and decided to re-examine these memories.

I sorted through my mother's keepsakes and wrote down those memories. 

As I continued this process, I often found myself contemplating her life. 

This process made me want to let go of them and entrust them under the ground.

I  chose the field for the safekeeping – a place I loved, where my mother and I often walked, a place that felt like it could accept and purify all.

 

I push my way into the field, dreaming of a journey to mourn and entrust my memories.